Why must women be SO emotional? As a woman who was raised by a single father, I have always been proud of my ability to keep my emotions somewhat in check. Unfortunately, the older I get, the less this is true. I was raised to be tough, independent, and unfailingly sure of my capabilities. As a child and young woman, I have been described as abrasive, aggressive, and somewhat cold. Those who knew me as little as 2 years ago would support these assertions as valid. So, how in the world did I develop into the occasional emotionally volatile, kind, caring, and mothering woman that I am today?
The process began about 15 months ago. He was tall, dark, and smart enough to check me on a few things which is rare. With his arrogance abound, he had the balls to give me his number and tell ME to call HIM sometime. As he left the elevator, I was perplexed as to who he was, or rather who he thought he was.
I have never cared if a man was interested in me, because, well, I have never had a reason to. Once I started to explore the world, I realized that a smart, sexy, and independent woman is a hot and rare commodity. I spent 4 1/2 years attempting to fend off the vultures who were desperate to either control me, be dominated by me, marry me and make me the mother of their children, or live off of me.
He was different. Yes, he was blown away with my ambition, aura of confidence, and intelligence, but he had reasons to stroke his own ego too. Never had I met a man who could match me on my level. I was mesmerized by him, just as much as he was by me.
He made me feel safe, secure, and loved. He told me that I could cry, that he would take care of things and that I didn't always need to do things by myself. He consistently bent over backwards to do whatever it took to earn my trust and love. It didn't take long. My ice-queen, stone-cold, independent woman persona began to melt in his presence. I now longer felt the need to emphasize and pretend that I was as emotionally cold as I had portrayed.
Over the last year or so, I have felt more loving and caring than I ever have. However, I have also felt more emotionally unstable and dependent. I have leaned on him to the point that the person I was just a couple years ago, would be disgusted with me. I know that the woman I have become is not the person that he signed up to be with. I need to find that happy medium. I cannot be the cold-hearted bitch that I used to be, but I also cannot be an emotionally clingy wreck either. Some how, some way, I must find my true self, whoever that woman may be.
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